Porn and relationships, it's a thing and there is a stigma attached to it. What is acceptable versus not?
“Most people watch it, why not just talk about it from the jump? A relationship is not ownership of another person, and there shouldn't be changes that come from commitment.”
Now I know this topic is touchy for a lot of people, most of them actually being friends of mine and some family members. I am very lucky to have such open and honest friends who trust me for advice or my input. However the more I hear how there are contingencies on relationships as they progress the less I have faith in society as a whole. Let me clarify, when you meet someone it is new, fresh and a learning experience. It's exciting and you usually overlook things about the person while getting to know them. But as things progress you learn more and more about that individual of interest, and people become more confident in sharing information and letting one another in. "The Honeymoon stage" is what this is referred to a lot of the time and I strongly disagree and dislike this term. (Topic for another day). This suddenly ends at the stage of being "comfortable" to the max in my opinion people use the term comfortable to cover up laziness and lack of effort... but suddenly with this new found knowledge of another person you suddenly are more open about your insecurities, vulnerable aspects, and your project this onto the other person.
I was talking with a group of girlfriends who are all in relationships and a common theme was they all said they do not "allow" (also a term I dislike) them to watch porn anymore. When I asked if they really believed their significant other had actually stopped, they all sighed and said well no but I know it is extremely limited and it is hidden from me at least... OK now you are forcing another person to stop a habit or hobby they had to make you feel better, and to follow it up you also have now brought deceit into your relationship which you think is better? I had so many questions, but when digging into it I got comments like. "Well it's a disgusting habit." "It's an addiction." "I just don't like them looking at another female naked.""I think it ruins our sex life."
So look, everyone has insecurities and things they dislike, but if this person watched this in the beginning of your relationship, what changed? The answer is you. But forcing someone to feel ashamed by this action is wrong. Sex is a natural thing and everyone participates whether it be alone or with someone else. A lot of the time people watch it to learn something.. or because we have so much access to everything they get stuck in a black hole similar to instagram where you just keep scrolling. Ladies, men are visual creatures that is it. I guarantee it has nothing to do with their lack of interest in you. Men like to look, and so do ladies. We are HUMAN, we look it is a natural thing.
Looking and acting are two seperate things. If your concern is that then sis he probably is not the one. And men, if you are losing interest in your partner and using this as an outlet I suggest actually communicating what is on your mind and why. I think we all look for the easy way out and avoid conflict or confrontation of any kind. But look I disagree with changing how someone is, I suggest if this is something you are against than be honest from the beginning. Don't hide it and throw it out there 3 years later, you are not being true to yourself or the other person and your beginning a relationship on false pretences anyway which is no way to go. But hey if you are into it, maybe be more open about it, watch it together, sometimes it sets the mood and couples love it.
But either way, stop being ashamed, communicate with your partner new or old. Hiding things is not the answer and you should never be with someone who makes you feel bad for who you are bottom line. If more people were honest there would be a lot more successful relationship stories and examples to follow.
